


Was it worth it?

by leedonghaes



Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Iron Man (Comic), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: 2nd Person, M/M, Marvel 616 - Freeform, Post-Civil War, Steve is dead, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, a rewrite i guess?, of the Confession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:09:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5815432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leedonghaes/pseuds/leedonghaes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rewrite of The Confessions. Post Civil War. Have Tony angsting over Steve's death, without talking too much aloud.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Was it worth it?

It's all a waste.

You wasted your speech on these agents. Fury's children, you sneered in your head. But you couldn't say it. You wasted your words. Your breath was wasted on those people, anyway. It wasn't them the speech was for. None of those words were meant for them. The regret of the painful victory is not something you have in common, only the hate for you. These people celebrate amidst the confusion of the aftermath and in the name of the two fatalities of the war. It hurts for you to even think of Bill Foster's name, and the other name you don't dare to bring to the front of your mind.

You know why you've been apologizing to everyone who didn't think this was a mistake. You know why the first thing you do in victory speeches is begin to justify the "Civil War". Try to justify your stand on the issue. Try to bring them over to your way of thinking. (As if they don't already believe in this.) You know why you feel like you're begging for their forgiveness, even as they cheer and clap and hail you a hero. (Is that really a good thing, nowadays?) You look at the crowds at every state, the S.H.I.E.L.D agents, the superheroes., and you know why. 

The words aren't meant for them. 

The "I'll begin by outlining the reasons for..." and "this was the right thing to do..." you say every time you go up those stages. (Every state is the same. Faceless crowd, Empty gaze.) The "I'm sorry but I have to do this" and the "one day you'll come to my way of thinking" he said to the superheroes he put in the negative zone. (They never really listen.) You're not talking to them.

"Death of a Dream", they dub it in news stories, articles, online forums. As if they'd understand. Death of a Dream of Dreams of Dreams of peace and freedom and glorious goodwill. Death of everything you wished you were. Death of unspoken words and broken bonds.   
And here you kneel at the grave. 

You don't see the words on the gravestone, through the blur of salty tears. You fill up the watery void like your heart, with "This was the right thing to do"s and "I hope you understand my reasoning"s, but it all comes out in sobs, wails that wreck your body. You crush the flowers as you crumble, but who cares. He's not here to see it anyway, not here for anything you want to do now, too late. 

You stay curled up for a while, basking in the comfort of Steve’s spirit. 

And when your phone rings, everything wrong calls out. Everything not-Steve screams to you. Maria Hill and Director of S.H.I.E.L.D duties and government officials and all those who snicker in the face of his death. You grit your teeth as your finger finds the mute button. And the phone buzzes on, but when you finally choke out some words, they ring loud and clear.

"It wasn't worth it."

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really know where I was going with this, but I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
